I wrote this today and wasn’t sure when or if I would post it, but having just watched the Paddy Gower on booze, thought there were some interesting parallels so here goes. It’s something I’ve been battling with along side receiving a ‘cancer’ diagnosis.
Alcohol and being diagnosed with cancer: This topic has played a huge part in my mind since being diagnosed, at the very beginning I was in a world of turmoil navigating ‘cancer’ but on the sideline I also realised that my old days of drinking were over. There is so much research on alcohol and it’s direct relationship to breast cancer, given I have a family history of it then potentially alcohol could play a bit of a part in it.
Everyone who knows me, knows I like a drink or two, three or four and a good old fashioned party, but once I heard the words cancer and I was suddenly playing a game of Russian roulette with my life, I was forced to reevaluate and do everything possible to be as healthy as I could be. Alcohol (given triple negative has a high reoccurrence rate), was the first thing to tick off the list, not to mention it didn’t really work well as a side for chemo.
At the beginning of my diagnosis I should have been focussing on my ‘cancer’ and treatment but more often than not, I found myself grieving for my old life, how would I cope not having a few drinks on a Friday night, getting amongst the boozy fun filled dinner parties, the oh it’s raining let’s have a red night, look the suns out better have a gin, had the worse day, need a drink and guess who got engaged, had a baby, did something amazing drink. I’m embarrassed to say this but I still thought about having a drink at 5pm on so many nights even though I had CANCER, granted not during the AC chemo days, but it took me at least 5 months to stop those thoughts, it’s taken me 5 months to come to terms with the new me.
I never thought of myself as an alcoholic, I would not have a drink on a few nights of the week, could go out for dinner and just have a couple, but if I was in a social situation, a party, a night out I would drink way more than I should (recommended amount is 3 standard drinks a week) - did it make me an alcoholic or is it just a bad habit from the early days of drinking, whatever it is I’m glad to have broken the cycle and it’s one of the silver linings of ‘cancer’. I can now have the odd drink and enjoy it, I can focus on my girls and their needs which are growing by the minute as they head into their teens, I can start focussing on putting things in the diary that don’t always revolve around drinking and I can become the healthiest version of myself all the while minimising the fear of a reoccurrence.
Thank you cancer for giving me a second chance and forcing me to take a look at my drinking habits, forcing me into making me change. I’m looking forward to not revolving my life around the next big party, the terrible hangovers on the sideline of sport and the new found energy once getting through the rest of my treatment. I can still do parties and dinners out, don’t strike me off the list, I’ll just be doing it differently and I’m happy with that.
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