Comparing cancer patients or yourself to your friend, Aunt, Uncle, social media cancer sistas or anyone else’s who’s had it/going through it, is not helpful. Every regime is different including varying chemotherapy drugs ranging from the most powerful ‘red devil’ to others that are less invasive but still incredibly powerful enough to destroy healthy cells. Chemo time frames vary in length, from a few weeks, few months to forever. Some people have chemo, others have chemo + surgery, or chemo + surgery and radiation, surgery alone. Surgeries vary in the level of complexity, the amount of time it takes to recuperate and for some there can be more than one.
Some people are trying to do this while they work full time, work full time + be a mum and wife. Some people own their own business and don’t have anyone else to take over or run it. Some people might have other emotional baggage at the same time, the death of a friend or relative, a support person who has their own issues, a child who also needs extra support and care. All or more than just one of the above.
Some people may have other health aspects on top of cancer treatment that can also cause and heighten fatigue and symptoms. Most young women suffer from early menopause, there’s no gradual onset, its just there all of a sudden on top of everything else. Some people have fertility or pregnancy to get their head around, dealing with all the concerns and worries around this can have a huge impact.
Some people put on or lose too much weight, physically exercising is draining and hard work, maybe they already had old injuries that due to the nature of treatment means they’re not capable of achieving what they want to achieve.
For some people, Covid and cancer is a ‘mind fuck’ to put it mildly, it doesn’t go away, it’s constantly there and can be mentally exhausting. For some people this can be more draining than others and for some it will always be a risk as they navigate treatment for the foreseeable future.
Some people are ok financially, they are able to afford much needed drugs. Others have to go through the emotional pain of selling houses, cars, assets or setup a give little page just to keep themselves alive. Some people can afford it, but feel guilty for spending hard earn family cash on keeping them alive.
Some people have a huge amount of support from friends and family, others may not have any and rely on those who might not be able to provide the real support they need. Others may have complicating relationships, it might look like they have enough support but deep down they don’t have someone who can come at the drop of a hat, or someone they can call/txt to reassure them when they most need it. There are so many varying degrees of support and what that looks like can be very different.
Some people find being positive throughout their journey easier than others, the above are just a few examples of the added outside pressure on top of an already emotionally, physically and mentally trying time of a cancer diagnosis and why it might be harder to be positive.
Being compared to someone else or comparing yourself to someone else and how they handled cancer is not helpful, everyone’s out there trying to do their best to get through it, no one wants to have cancer, no one wants to feel like shit, some days will feel more positive than others and it’s ok to have days where it’s all too much. You can be negative and ‘over it’ and still be grateful for the things you do have!
Give yourself a break, just do YOU…..what that looks like is different for everyone and comparing yourself to others is not useful. One thing that helps whenever anything pops into your head that isn’t making you feel good. Tell it to go away - ‘That thought does not serve me in anyway, you can leave now’. Keep doing it and over time those thoughts become less.
Xx
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