Everyone kept telling me that radiation is a breeze compared to chemo, you’ll sail through it, it’s nothing compared to what you’ve been through. And tbh, I think it’s set me up to feel like a bit of a failure - it’s called expectations and I have to say I loathe the word, especially in the cancer setting.
It’s not easy, i’m not always sailing through, hitting a wall often during the day and not being able to do day to day activities, it’s a constant juggle of what I can and can’t do. Although it’s easier compared to chemo and the initial stages of treatment, it comes with other layers, layers of emotional, mental and physical pain from 8 months of treatments and then a sudden release back into everything you did before all this started.
I feel like, after chemo and surgery there’s this aspect of, you’ve finished the hard yards, time to start getting back to normal, except nothings been normal for 8 months, everything in life was at a standstill and all, a rather big blur. I’m tired, not just, had a late night tired, had a busy week/weekend tired but exhausturated (I made up this word when I felt really tired, back in the day), it now feels like the perfect time to use it.
Chemo was pretty awful and played havoc on my motivation and brain cells, not to mention the physical decline and emotional burden, surgery put be back a few steps and increased the lack of energy aspect, overall physical toll. Now radiation, Keytruda and a low thyroid are all zapping me of anything I’ve got left - I’m ready for a break.
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